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GANDALF FIGHTS A QUERY AND MENTAL ILLNESS

My Dearest Megatron,

I am writing to you from my local Barnes & Noble, and by local, I mean the one that takes me an hour to get to because I’m on call at the hospital until midnight. It’s local to my place of employment, I suppose. When I decided to blog to you, I did not realize that WordPress has updated. I was (am) a little weirded out by the new style. As I type I can see a preview of the blog down below. Trippy!! It’s like I can see into the future. I am a wizard, after all. In fact, this is what I look like when gaze into the future.

Smoking this pipe helps.

I read your blog last night. I am so happy to hear that things are going so well for you! I trust you received your message from RLL, our wonderful mystery friend from Scotland? (On a side note, I just HIJACKED someones table. Seriously. If you leave your crap on a table, unattended from 20 minutes, this table so belongs to Gandalf.) I received a message just this morning from afar. Do you suppose we will ever learn if our friend is male or female? I’m dying to know who is right. (I’m also hoping RLL will read this blog and decide to tell us!) Maybe Gandalf just needs to do some sleuthing to figure it out on her own.

I must say, I was saddened to hear of you playing beach volleyball. Not so much that you did, but that I didn’t. Right now, it’s a whopping 0 degrees. That’s right, Megatron, put on a sweater so your bits and gears don’t freeze. We also had a snowstorm last night much to my dismay. Took me 2 1/2 hours to get home from work. Only an hour longer than normal, but still. People here think snow is an excuse to drive 85 and hog the highway with their big ass trucks that probably have snow tires. How one vehicle manages to take up three lanes, I don’t know.

Speaking of yesterday, my front door fell off. Honestly, I feel like you just couldn’t write the crazy stuff that happens to me. Our screen door just up and fell off like someone Incredible Hulked it. Now it’s in my living room. Every time I see it, I’m like what the hell… I suppose I’ll try to get on fixing that tomorrow, in the blood freezing weather. If you don’t hear from me, assume I have perished either from the cold or the Incredible Hulk.

Things are coming along just wonderfully over here. I have taken Stephen King’s (and your) advice and am trying to eliminate the passive voice from my manuscript. It’s gets a little confusing at times, let me tell you. Thoughts are in present tense (usually) actions in past (always). No wonder I couldn’t choose between past and present when I wrote my first manuscript. At least I’ve gotten better over time.

Would you like to see the current thing that is driving me insane?? Of course you would 🙂 I’m gonna show you anyway. Here is the current query for Antithesis. It’s not done, but I’m liking this one a little more. It has more action and less fluff but it’s just not quite right yet. I feel like I’m missing something really important. Hopefully I’ll figure it out soon.

Gavyn Pershing only has one arm. She’s never kissed a boy, met her father, or had a vaccination, but the interdimensional army that’s hunting her doesn’t care about things like that.

When a random boy appears in Gavyn’s bedroom she has two choices, trust him or be killed by the army’s psychopath breaking down her door.

She chooses trust.

After Liam Shifts them to an alternate reality, Gavyn learns of herself in other worlds. There is a place where she has two arms, place where she is the leader of an army set on universal take over, a place where she killed Liam’s father. Liam needs her help to bring down the evil Gavyn, but the stakes are higher than she ever imagined.

The Murdering Gavyn is her Opposite and due to the universe’s contingency plan, one dying kills the other. If she confronts the evil Gavyn to save the world, she must die too. And every person she meets resembles a friend from home or her own reflection. Gavyn isn’t sure who she can trust and who was sent by the army to capture her. With little hope of survival, Gavyn must decide what price is too high to save herself, Liam, and the universe.

Hmph. So just give it to me straight. Does it suck? Would you want to read this book? I think it needs more story in there. Ugh.

As you can see, it’s extremely frustrating to write a query.

I don’t know what I was looking for, but I found this and it made me giggle. I feel like he’s talking straight to me. Use the force to write that query. It’ll happen. I’m you and you’re me. We’re Gandalf. Use the force.

See, this is what happens when I spend too much time with fictional characters. Not only do I impersonate them, I also have entire conversations with myself as multiple people that are actually the same person.

This is exactly why I’m a writer. My head is a scary, scary place.

Well Megatron, I do hope we get to chat soon.

GANDALF

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